You Are Not Broken: Finding Your Way Out and Finding Yourself Again

Finding Your Way Out and Finding Yourself Again My personal journey from surviving domestic violence to rebuilding my life, one breath, one step, and one movement at a time.

Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy.

Sometimes people ask, “Why didn't you just leave?”

But when you are living through abuse, leaving is not always as simple as walking out the door. There can be fear, financial dependence, isolation, children to protect, uncertainty, and the feeling that you have nowhere to go.

I know this because I lived it.

I Left With My Four-Month-Old Baby

There was a moment when I realized that I could not continue living the life I was living.

I left home with my four-month-old baby.

I did not have everything figured out. I did not have a perfect plan. I did not have someone waiting for me with all the answers.

I had nowhere to go and no one I felt I could ask for support.

But I knew one thing:

This was not the life I wanted for myself or my child.

That decision was frightening. Starting over was frightening. Being responsible for a baby while trying to rebuild my own life was frightening.

But sometimes, courage does not feel like courage when you are experiencing it.

Sometimes courage looks like taking one more step when you are terrified.

Please Do Not Let Trauma Make You Believe You Are Lost Forever

Trauma can change the way you see yourself.

It can make you question your decisions. It can make you feel confused, exhausted, afraid, or disconnected from who you used to be.

There were moments when I felt lost.

But I learned that being lost does not mean you are broken.

Trauma can hurt you, but it does not have to define you.

Healing is not always a straight line. Some days you may feel strong. Other days you may feel like you are starting over again.

Give yourself permission to have those days.

Take a breath.

Slow down.

Be gentle with yourself.

Your mind has been through something difficult, and you deserve patience while you find your way forward.

Make a List of What Motivates You

When everything feels overwhelming, try to remember what you are fighting for.

Make a list.

Write down the people, dreams, goals, memories, and possibilities that motivate you.

Maybe it is your children.

Maybe it is your future.

Maybe it is having your own home.

Maybe it is going back to school.

Maybe it is starting a business.

Maybe it is simply waking up one day and feeling peaceful in your own space.

Keep that list somewhere safe.

When you have a difficult day, read it again.

Remind yourself:

There is a life beyond what I am experiencing right now.

Do Not Be Afraid of Being a Single Mother

I want to speak especially to mothers who are afraid to leave because they are afraid of becoming a single mother.

I understand that fear.

Being a single mother can be incredibly difficult. There may be financial challenges, loneliness, exhaustion, and moments when you wonder how you will manage everything.

But please remember that your relationship status does not determine your value as a mother.

You deserve to raise your children in an environment where you can work toward safety, peace, and stability.

Your children need you.

And while every family's situation is different, I believe it is important to consider what kind of environment you want your children to grow up seeing as normal.

Do not allow fear of being alone to convince you that you have to remain somewhere that is hurting you.

Make a Safety Plan

If you are considering leaving an abusive situation, please remember that safety comes first.

If it is safe to do so, think about your next steps before leaving.

Consider where you could go, who you could safely contact, important documents you may need, transportation, your children's needs, medications, money, and other essentials.

Think about your financial stability and begin preparing for independence when you can do so safely.

You do not have to have everything figured out at once.

One step at a time is still progress.

And if making a plan could increase your danger, seek guidance from a domestic violence advocate or another qualified support professional before taking action.

Look for Safe People

You do not have to carry everything alone.

If there is someone you trust and it is safe to do so, tell them what is happening.

A trusted friend, family member, counselor, advocate, community organization, or other safe person may be able to help you think through your options.

Sometimes the hardest part is saying:

“I need help.”

There is no shame in that sentence.

Asking for help does not make you weak.

It means you are trying to protect yourself and create a different future.

Remember the Cycle

One of the hardest things to accept is that promises do not always mean change.

An abusive relationship can become a cycle of harm, apologies, promises, hope, and then harm again.

Someone may tell you that they will change.

They may promise that it will never happen again.

They may blame circumstances, blame you, or tell you exactly what you want to hear to keep you from leaving.

Listen to actions, not only promises.

You cannot force another person to change.

And you should never have to sacrifice your safety, dignity, or peace waiting for someone else to become the person they promised they would be.

Dance Helped Me Find a Part of Myself Again

One of the things that helped me through some of my darkest moments was dance.

For me, dance became a way to reconnect with my body.

After experiencing trauma, I needed something that helped me remember that my body belonged to me.

When I danced, I could breathe.

I could move.

I could express emotions that I sometimes could not put into words.

I could feel strength returning little by little.

Dance did not erase my trauma.

Dance is not a cure for trauma, and I do not present it as one.

But for me, movement became a tool that helped me cope during dark moments. It gave me moments when I could focus on the present instead of everything I had survived.

Brazilian Samba became especially meaningful to me because it connected movement, culture, music, confidence, community, and expression.

It reminded me that I was still here.

I was still capable of joy.

I was still capable of creating something beautiful from my life.

Your Story Does Not End Here

If you are currently experiencing domestic violence, I want you to know something that I needed to learn myself:

You are not your trauma.

You are not the things someone said about you.

You are not the way someone treated you.

You are not powerless because you are afraid.

And you do not have to know exactly how your entire future will look before you take the next safe step.

Start where you are.

Take a breath.

Think about your safety.

Make a plan when you can safely do so.

Find safe people.

Work toward financial independence.

Protect your mental and emotional well-being.

And remind yourself that rebuilding takes time.

I left with a four-month-old baby and very little certainty about what would happen next.

Today, I can look back and understand that leaving was not the end of my story.

It was the beginning of finding myself again.

That is part of the heart behind Aisiki Holistic.

Aisiki was created from my belief that self-care can be a meaningful part of rebuilding yourself. Caring for your body, making space for your mind, reconnecting with your spirit, moving your body, and creating small moments of peace can all become reminders that you are worthy of care.

If you are reading this while living through abuse, please do not feel pressured to leave in a way that puts you in greater danger. Your safety matters.

And if you are able to take one safe step today, let that step be enough.

Breathe.Plan.Protect yourself.Ask for safe help.Keep going.

You are not broken.

You are surviving.

And there can be a life beyond survival.

Aisiki HolisticSelf-Care for the Body, Mind & Spirit.